nice weekend..

had typed the entry in the morning during wcom tutorial.. end up got error than cannot post.. sianz.. so now have to retype everything again.. haha.. ok.. had a long weekend last week.. coz haji on friday then got one extra day holiday.. went to kbox with beat and gl on friday.. wow.. had a great time there.. singing all the songs that we like.. but i think beat just woke up or something.. then she like blur blur liddat.. haha..got one time i wore beat's slippers to go toilet.. and the first few steps i took, the slippers almost fiy out..haha.. i think only a person like me can wear until the slippers fly one.. haha.. then after sing liao, beat went home first.. coz she say that her mum bringing her out to buy cny clothes.. so me and gl went down to far east to walk.. wah lao.. there was so much people there lor.. and it kindda turned the 2 of us off.. so we didn't buy anything that day.. actually, gl saw a skirt quite nice.. but i told her to walk around and see if there's something better.. so it was partly my fault that she didn't buy anything that day.. sorry, gl.. heex.. after that, went home first before going down to imm for dinner with my mum.. yeah.. so that's my friday..

saturday.. went down to my cousin's house in the afternoon.. sit a while then went down to chinatown.. went to the og lah.. to look at clothes.. but didn't see anything.. only got some bras for myself.. heex.. then had our favourite chicken rice.. at the big hawker center.. heex.. then went down to plaza sing.. had wanted to go to the shop for my sis to check her ear.. but end up the shop close liaoz.. so walk around.. and surprise, surprise.. i bought a shirt and a pair of jeans from samuel and kevin.. woah.. to think that i've never really like the clothes there.. haha.. coz my mum say i wear the shirt quite nice.. so buy lor.. heex.. then also got those fishing game from action city.. but only got 6 fishes.. haha.. so very small only.. haha.. so that's my sat..

yesterday.. went down to jp for my sis to check her ear.. had wanted to repair the vibrator of my hp.. but the repair centre close liaoz.. sianz.. haha.. so walk around jp.. and i went into every shoe shop to try their shoes.. and i keep trying their slippers.. haha.. fun mah.. then went to imm for dinner.. and there, i tried the slippers from the shops, again.. haha.. but its a trouble wearing track shoes to go and try slippers.. coz i had to hold on to my socks when i'm walking throughout the shop.. haha.. try with socks not nice mah.. haha.. so that's my sunday.. and what a shopping weekend it has been.. haha..

Between friends, there's no need for thank yous.. No matter how many times you haven't been there for me when i needed someone, and the many more times i felt lonely from not being able to find someone to talk to.. Whenever you need someone, to have a listening ear or a shoulder to cry on, i'll be around.. i'll always be.. Promised..

it's another fri..

ok.. typing this in the morning.. when the whole family is still asleep and i'm the only one awake.. haha.. had to wake up early to send the wcom files to shi shi..coz i going out later with gl and beat.. going to create havoc.. haha.. it's actually sing kbox lah.. but it's still havoc in some sense.. haha..

yesterday.. hmz.. took a trial econs test.. and i just passed.. got 11.5 i think.. coz i never study at all.. then all the concepts cannot remember.. what's the worst.. the qns really got come out on the case studies from the textbook.. what the hell manz.. tt means i have to memorise the stuff from the textbook as well.. wow.. this is gonna be tough.. after that, went down to the wushu booth.. at first go there see no one.. then wanted to go liaoz.. then walk and walk and walk.. then when go back there, saw someone.. so i sit there and play with them.. haha.. got one of the guy to teach me a bit of the stick..or the pole.. aiya, forgot what izzit in eng.. heex.. then after that,went home to finish typing my project..

on wed, went down to watch women's soccer after school.. NP vs NTU.. but the match is like at 5pm..and my class ended at 3pm.. but regina was with me all the while.. then we play typer shark.. heex.. all started from me one.. coz i play first, i think.. then everyone started playing suddenly.. haha.. then got talk a lot lah.. have to thank regina for always listening to me nag.. heex.. thanks a lot regina.. it's been hard on ur ears.. haha.. anyway, about the match.. i thought NP played rather badly.. as in, none of the players were really on form tt day..heard from fatin tt a lot of them were carryong injuries.. maybe tt's why.. the keeper was the most scary one.. shaky until like siao.. lucky i no heart attack.. haha.. then a lot of them never play to their positions.. all running around the field.. NTU won the match 2-0.. i wasnt really surprised.. considering the shaky defence and the play wasnt good.. but i know that they can surely play better.. coz during my attachment stint with them, all of them were really good players.. but that day, they didn't perform to standard.. so.. yeah.. hope that they'll play better.. heex..

guess tt's about all..heex..

life? what is life?

i'm really having a bad patch this week.. nothing's going well for me and i'm not happy about it.. not happy about myself.. about the things around me.. i'm exhausted.. tired.. can't do anything at all.. no mood.. angry.. frustrated.. maybe i'm just pure exhausted.. tired from having to prepare the wushu performance and the rushing projects.. i can't even do well for my bca project.. getting blamed for not having sent the file to someone.. i didn't even have time to finish my part.. how am i suppose to pass on the work to others? and the numerous changes that needed to be made just passed me by.. how can i not have noticed it? was it really due to fatigue? or have i just lost interest in everything? i don't know.. all i know is that i seriously need a lot of rest during the weekends.. i'm really exhausted.. but one cannot always use being tired and exhausted for not getting the job done all the time, right? getting blamed wasn't a good feeling at all.. espeacially when you know your limits and time constrain.. but life was never smooth sailing.. maybe this is just a bad patch i'm going through.. or that i'm a person who just suck and shouldn't be born at all.. i just let everybody around me angry.. unhappy.. sucks.. my sisters scold me a smag when i ask them to let me use the com to send the interview questions.. get blamed when i didn't send a file that i cannot complete.. make everyone angry.. make everyone upset.. i just suck.. kill me.. throw me down a building or simply just poison me.. i suck..

I suck.. Kill me.. Or bring me back to earth..

drained..

went for wushu performance yesterday.. we were performing for the mde idol.. man, it sux.. i lost balance twice while doing the first pattern.. didn't fall in the stage, but manage to catch hold of myself by supporting with my hands.. the kick wasn't any better.. couldn't coordinate with christine at all.. the last pattern was alright.. the crowd sux.. they do.. the moment we started running out onto stage, the people started laughing.. seriously, none of us understood what they were laughing at.. and more laughters came when we started doing the kicks.. those playing the weapons were ok.. though some of them were treated with laughters too.. the crowd just suck.. what's so funny about it? is it so funny to be practising this kind of art? sux..

nothing seemed to have gone right for me yesterday.. was in a really foul mood yesterday.. maybe was because i didn't sleep enough bah.. then had some disagreement for the wcom project.. and we've not even started our interview yet.. this is gonna be dead manz.. the report's due in 2 weeks time.. have to rush all the stuff next week.. no more rest time again.. feel real damn suffocated.. its as though everything's piled up on you and suddenly, there's so much to be done.. can't really take it.. projects, projects, and more projects.. and not that it's been going fine.. its not fine at all.. dun wish to talk about it.. things just suck..

wasn't in a better mood today either.. feeling really tired.. and i lost my appetite for food.. but i still had a plate of rice in the end.. guess i'll have to sleep earlier tonight, or i'm gonna fall sick.. i'm always like that.. falling ill coz i'm too exhausted.. or maybe i'm just stressing myself too much.. my favourite 'hobby'.. sometimes, things just seem to be able to be done so easily but i'll still get so stressed up.. is it stress that's piling up on me, or is there really too much work to be done, or am i simply just exhausted? i dunno.. went to play arcade at westmall alone after school.. played $10 worth.. guess that's the way i let myself out whenever i feel bothered or stressed.. i have no mood for anything at all.. nothing at all.. i don't want to study.. i'm tired.. drained..



Many times when you feel that you badly need someone.. And the many people whom you call are not there.. How would you feel? Lonely, out of placed, or something esle? Many times the fact that all are not there by you make you feel as though you're left alone on this world.. Who's there for you and who's not.. The many times things have happened..

Loneliness knows me by name..

sian..

finally decided to type blog.. heex.. now having bca tutorial.. as usual, slacking away.. haha..

last week has been quite a tiring week.. coz there's gonna be a wushu performance for the mde idol this week.. so the number of training sessions increased a bit.. but it's tiring enough.. at first, the coach arranged for me to perform a knife and quan event.. but i play not nice leh.. look like very stiff like that.. then the rest of the guys who just joined also didn't like the arrangement coz none of us could play the weapons well.. so we had sort of a meeting with the coach.. then the seniors also said that they'll do the more difficult events.. so now we only have to do some simple patterns then can liaoz.. also better lah.. not so tiring also..yeah.. so also better lah..

talk with beat on my hp on sat.. talk for one hour++.. haha.. so now my talk time only let with about half an hour.. haha.. come to think of it, when was the last time that i've chat with her for more than an hour on the phone? haha.. it seems so long ago siaz.. haha.. then was telling her that i've been skipping quite a lot of lectures.. then she said something to me which sound quite true.. she told me that some people can skip classes and still be able to catch up while others cannot.. well, i guess its kindda hinting at me to go back to attending lectures and not to skip any more of them.. i guess it also knock some sense into me bah.. it's like i've been slacking long enough.. i think it's really time to pick myself up and start studying.. with the common test coming in about 3 weeks time, it's really time to start working hard now.. if not, this semester i'm really going dead.. hiaz.. think i'm those who always need people to knock some sense into me then i'll wake up one.. haha.. so.. yeah.. will start working hard now.. cannot slack anymore liaoz.. hiaz..

Some things just seem so out of reach of me.. As though it's gone and will never come back..

new year 2005!!

ok manz.. this is my first post in the new year.. heex.. time really flies.. and i'm gonna be 18 this year.. haha.. typing this during BCA class.. haha.. not paying attention at all to class siaz.. haha.. coz super boring.. heex.. hmz.. thinking about how 2004 pass so fast.. hiaz.. memories of what had happened is still so fresh..

2004 didn't start in the best way.. it was the worst so far in my 17+ years of life.. got admited into JJC for the first 3 months.. it was hell on the first day.. the arrangement was terrible.. some of us girls actually didn't get to use the toilet to change into our pe attire when preparing for the mass dance.. so one of the ogl brought us to a deserted classroom to change.. wah lao.. so cham siaz.. the worst is, i didn't get to use the toilet the whole day at all.. so, went back to fuhua specially for the toilet.. haha.. the reat of the first 3 months didn't go too well also.. got a terrible teacher for physics.. my physics already very jia lat liaoz.. she made it worst.. i wasn't going any where at all with that subject.. the rest of the subject teachers were alright.. but despite all these bad moments, there were good times too.. and these happen everytime we skip classes.. haha.. there was once one group of us skip school to go to zheng quan's house to play mahjong.. haha.. it was also that day when i picked up mahjong.. haha.. so fun siaz.. so there were good and bad times in JJC.. but i have made some friends from my first 3 months class too.. still in contact with some.. hope that we'll stay that way.. heex..

then came the receiving of our 'O' level results.. that was a really emotional day.. and i hated my surname that day too.. coz i was the second last to receive my results.. and all around me, people who have gotten their results were crying their hearts out.. good ones cry, bad ones were also crying.. and i was sitting on the floor by my own, caught in my own world.. trying to ignore all that's going on around me.. no one was talking to me.. felt lonely at that time.. but after i have gotten my results, i was simply happy.. coz i did beyond my expectations.. and i was really happy about it.. at least my hard work through the year, all the effort that my teachers have put in to help me, were not wasted.. and i have not let them down.. i still remember that after that, me, beat and gl went to have stingray and bubble tea.. haha.. then came the hard time, having to decide where i want to continue my studies.. it was really tough.. my heart was with poly.. but my results allowed me to go back to JJC.. it was a really tough time.. in the end, i sort of chose poly.. and i was posted to ngee ann.. yeah.. and the rest of them are in JJC.. well, left alone in the wild forest, lost and lonely.. that was how i felt.. but it was my choice.. there was nothing i can do..

then in early may, i went to hawaii with my cousin.. at first, i thought i will miss my friends a lot, having relied on them for almost 2 years.. but i manage to adapt, and i had a great time there.. it can be considered quite an eye opener for a mountain tortoise like me..haha.. seen a lot of scenery there.. and it was wonderful.. really beautiful.. haha.. and when i came back, i still remember gl telling me that during one of her geog lessons, they were learning about hawaii and how it is moving and stuff.. haha.. so interesting.. haha.. maybe she can tell me more about her geog stuff this year.. as a mini revision for her 'A' levels.. haha.. then went to hong kong 2 weeks after i came back from US.. coz go there to visit my dad.. haha.. then got go a lot of places there also.. quite fun also.. haha.. that was the time when i traveled the most siaz.. haha.. so fun..

after all that fun and relaxing comes the start of the new school term for poly.. the orientation was quite alright.. even quite fun on some occasions.. it was at least better than the one at JJC.. haha.. our orientation group is going to be our classmates.. so i enjoyed my time with them, trying to interact more at the same time also.. haha.. then school started.. and it wasn't really that good.. coz all my modules i cannot understand what the teachers were talking about.. haha.. but my results came out good.. so that was quite ok lah.. between this time, fuhua had its open house.. and i was so glad that the CO improved a lot under that 'mr frog'.. haha.. feel so proud of them.. haha..

time than pass really quickly and it was soon the holidays.. and i had 2 chalets during the holidays.. haha.. both about the same lah.. the 4B one was kindda like a gambling den.. haha.. but i enjoyed myself too.. then something bad happened.. and it was a great test of friendship.. i had thought all was going to be a gonner.. but i was glad that it was well and over.. heex..

so now,the new year starts.. and no one knows what lies on the path ahead.. what's going to happen to all of us.. but i hope that things will go smoothly.. to those taking 'A' levels, hope that u guys will do well.. to my friends in poly, do well for exams too,k? and may all friendships between us and many of ur other friends continue to blossum and last.. all the best for the new year!!