Friday, December 31, 2004

new year resolution..

ok..though i never remember any of the resolutions i've ,ade at the beginning of the year, i shall just make some now for the fun of it..haha.. and after thinking for a while, i've manage to come up with a few.. here are those..

1. try to maintain my studies and not to stress myself out too much..
2. try to have that bit more self confidence.. i'm low on confidence about myself manz..
3. to catch up with old friends and to make new ones..
4. disturb those who are gonna take their 'A' levels next year so that they cannot study.. wahahaha..
5. world peace.. (think: beauty pageants.. haha..)

ok..these are the ones that i can think of.. guess the easiest to accomplish is the 4th one.. haha.. but i'm not so mean to do that all the time.. once in a while lah.. world peace is the hardest manz.. haha.. coz it depends a lot on the world and not me alone.. so its a failed resolution right from the start.. haha.. anyway, may all have a good time!! happy new year!!

Thursday, December 30, 2004

phantom of the opera..

ok..i'm still obsessed with that movie, even though i caught it last thurs.. really love the songs in the show.. its just so nice.. oh manz.. i simply love it.. haha.. i caught the movie with guan ling.. and she was pissed off with one of her ex-co members of her interact club before i went to find her.. coz they were having a meeting and the girl changed the venue to westmall 5 or 10 minutes before the start of the meeting.. and the change was to suit the person's convenience.. so all of them were quite pissed.. and when i went down to find guan ling, all of them sitting at the table had a black face.. similar to those of justice bao.. and i thought it was because i went to find her and sort of intrude or disturbed their meeting.. glad that their black face wasnt fully because of me.. coz i'll feel very bad about it.. heex.. ok..about phantom.. its a really nice show.. grand setting and great costumes.. not forgetting the good singing by all the actors and actresses alike.. and of coz the great songs too.. wonder why 8 days rated it 1 1/2 stars only.. its just not doing it any justice, really.. the other ratings of 3 stars is alright.. coz it'll be too much to rate it 4 stars or more.. but 1 1/2 is way too low for such a movie.. hiaz.. anyway, i definitely wouldn't mind catching it again.. i just love the songs.. haha..

and.. new year's around the corner.. well.. time for some new year resolution, i guess.. haha.. but whatever resolutions that i make, i will surely forget.. haha.. so i think i wouldn't bother myself making too many for 2005.. haha.. just hope for the world to be well and good.. after the great earthquake and the tsunami disaster, i really hope for the countries and the people to recover.. hope that they'll be well.. hmz.. have to think a lot more this few days.. to make sure that i start 2005 anew.. coz my feelings have not been too stable these few days.. sometimes good, at times bad.. coz i still cannot really find myself.. so sorry, beat..my tone hasnt been good to you over the phone since you came back from shanghai.. really sorry about it.. sorry that you had to bear with my terrible attitude.. sorry.. and to all i know at jj.. miss you guys lots.. i guessed you guys have a common test coming up right? jia you and do well for it!! hope to catch up with you guys some day.. do take good care,k?

lastly, happy new year to all!!!!! =p

Wednesday, December 22, 2004

early merry x'mas!!!

it's been quite a while since i've last blog.. hmz.. everyone's overseas these days.. haha.. me, studying in poly.. haha.. so far, life's been alright.. manage to think about some things.. and was able to get a positive thinking out of things.. so.. ok lah.. heex.. went to westmall with regina last friday.. haha.. super funny time.. we gt play arcade.. played the table hockey.. oh manz.. first time i hit until the disc fly.. than twice some more.. haha.. but v fun lah.. heex..

my dad came back from china yesterday.. he gt an mp3 player for me.. quite nice.. but i dun really know how to use.. heex.. so must wait for him to teach me.. the worst thing is tt the instruction manual is in chinese.. oh manz.. i tk decades to read chinese.. haha.. but bo bian.. will hv to read it one day.. haha..

it's only a few days more to christmas.. looking forward to it, though i guess i'll be staying at home as usual.. heex.. merry x'mas to all!!!

Wednesday, December 15, 2004

if only time can turn back...

hiaz.. this is the 2nd time i'm blogging in this less than one hour time frame.. hiaz.. i'm not feeling right all over.. i dunno why.. just feeling not right.. i oso dunno what's wrong with me.. the feeling's not right.. everything's not right.. school's not right as well.. hiaz.. i really dread school nowadays.. its like last time, i really love school.. and my main motivation was the friends i have.. not hao lian or what.. but last time, i'll have a lot of friends around me.. most of them are people whom i've met in CO with my 4 years there.. and the rest are friends from my class.. great people whom i can joke and play with.. who'll be with me whenever i need them (though not all the time..) but now, i feel weird.. like there's no one whom i can communicate with in class.. as though everyone's frequency is different from mine's.. hiaz.. i miss those days when the 4 of us will laugh during mr fong's class.. do homework secretly during ms ek's class.. during chem lab sessions, ms kho and that thing that she used to shake to get our attention.. and her 'shake it up' sayings.. hiaz.. there's just so many memories.. all kept and secureed in fuhua.. hopefully it will not be lost.. for it's just too great to lose.. the 4 years that i've spent there.. there's just too much.. too many.. things that i wouldn't want to lose.. not now.. not forever.. till the day i die, i want it to be part of me.. with me.. things which is mine.. my memories..

but now in poly, life isn't the same.. i'm no longer interacting as much.. i've become very much an introvert.. maybe its because of the environment.. like i said earlier, my frequency seems to be very much different from the rest of the class.. even in wushu class, i'm not talking much.. i don't know why.. i'm not doing what i,as my old self, will do.. i'm just so different now.. no longer myself.. hate my present self.. but now in poly, i guess the only bright spot among the friends that i have is shi shi.. frankly, she's the only one whom i can talk to in poly.. though she have her friends in TB12, sometimes, even seeing the 6 of them together makes me happy.. somehow, it's enough to brighten up my day a little.. maybe it's because they're those really happy people.. ok, they do have their tough times, i guess.. but i only get to see the good ones.. and they're smiling people in my memories.. and seeing them so happy is enough to make me happy, sometimes.. sadly, i can only say that i cannot play like them in poly.. my frequency's always different from others.. don't know why.. so everytime, i will have to find my good friends.. beat, gl, char, yin mei.. sometimes maril.. i'm glad that at least i have the few of them in my life.. and the 4B chalet actually gave me the chance to get to know the guys better.. coz i don't know them as well as the gals.. despite being in the same class for 2 years.. but it's a blessing to have them in my life.. it's really great..

i've really missed them ever since i came to poly.. because all of them are in JJC.. sometimes, i'll think 'if only i'm in JJC also.. then i wouldn't be having this problem'.. but this was the path that i've chosen.. and i cannot regret.. for this is the kind of road that i cannot regret.. i still remember, beat will tell me that this is my life and that i shouldn't be affected by my friends, where they are and stuff.. so i chose to go poly.. coz i'm more of a practical person.. give me theory and i'll die.. i've always look forward to poly life.. make new friends, get into a different environment and stuff.. but now, things don't seem the way it is.. and i'm not enjoying it at all.. i'm a person who's so dependent on my friends that can say that i cannot live without them.. so now, it's kind of a tough time for me.. i don't know if the situation will improve.. i mean, there's just too many kinds of personality in my class that i realise we cannot really get together and bond as a class.. hiaz.. this is my life.. what can i do about it..? the only thing that i can do about it seems to be to regret.. ok, it sounds stupid to regret when, for the first time, i got the chance to choose my path of study.. but well, what can i do..? there's really nothing i can do.. but i'm really glad that at least now, there's shi shi whom i can talk to in class.. and during lecture, sometimes i'll talk to fatin.. and we'll laugh and laugh.. haha.. but these are the only brighter spots bah.. there's nothing else le.. hiaz.. if only my life was like that in fuhua.. i really miss fuhua.. 4B.. and the 4 of us laughing real loudly in class.. if only time can turn back.. how i wish it can..

beat, char and gl will be going overseas soon.. and they will not really return until the last week.. at least gl's back by the end of next week.. luckily manz.. i don't know how am i going to live without them.. but there'll be a time when the 3 of them will not be around.. i'll miss them dearly.. i really will.. but i hope that they'll have a wonderful time with their trips respectively.. will miss them.. especially my rice mum.. heex.. may them have a good time.. while i try to live alone.. on my own..

shopping for... bras!! heex..

kk..the title a bit r-rated.. heex.. anyway, start with ytd first.. went for wushu training last night.. wah.. first time i arrive early siaz.. haha.. so i sat at the court and played on my laptop until the coach arrived.. then for the first one hour or so, only gt me and the coach.. so funny siaz.. haha.. then the coach gt ask me to do a part of the pattern.. then he time me.. and my timing was around 20 sec.. coz i still nt v familiar with the pattern mah.. so cnt do fast.. heex.. then he gt teach a little bit of another pattern.. a bit luan, this new one.. heex.. but still ok so far lah.. then after tt gt 3 guys come.. then the coach ask me to try the knife.. quite heavy, actually.. tot tt my right hand wun hv strength to hold things today.. but lucky gt strength.. heex.. this pattern using the knife i only know about 5 steps.. but blur liaoz.. haha.. guess i hv to practise more.. haha.. then the wushu team going to put up some performance on the 12th jan.. then gt one guy he design the steps.. then gt a lot i blur.. the steps are kindda those basic steps.. but i still nt v sure about them.. then v pai seh.. coz the guy hv to kp teaching me.. i tink he teach until fed up.. haha.. tink i will hv to work hard on it.. heex..

today after sch, gl came to my house.. coz she din noe where to go.. so she came my house first b4 we went to imm.. coz she need to buy some camp stuff for her camp.. heex.. we went to giant first.. coz we tot down there got the stuff.. end up gl went to look at the bras.. haha.. then she bought one.. haha.. she also bought a face towel there.. i tink we dunno walk for how long at giant.. haha.. then down there gt those kind of toy train display.. then the train stuck.. so we tot of maybe tip-toeing to adjust the train.. but i tink our hands too short or we are too short.. so we din even manage to touch the train.. haha.. then after tt went up to daiso to get the zip log bags.. after tt went to kopitiam.. she ate ice cream while i had a plate of carrot cake and a cup of coffee.. then eat liaoz we sit down there and tok for dunno hw long.. tok a lot of things then laugh until lyk mad.. haha.. there's always laughter with gl around.. after tt went back to giant again to buy the egg toufu for my grandma b4 going home.. heex.. though the trip was short, i tot it was quite nice.. coz i get to meet up with an old pal.. so nice.. heex.. happiest day ever since sch reopened.. heex..

hiaz.. all 3 of my gd friends going overseas.. beat's flying to shanghai on 18th.. gl's going langkawi on 19th.. and char's going to malaysia(i tink..) on the 20th.. so i'm gonna miss them lots.. but hope tt they'll hv fun.. may them hv fun!!!

Tuesday, December 14, 2004

me, myself, or somebody else..?

ok.. this is my 2nd entry today.. coz still gt another 1/2 hour to wushu cls.. so decided to type a 2nd entry.. coz i dun really noe what to do nw.. heex.. had econs lecture earlier.. was quite funny at some points.. but is those super lame type of funny.. then sometimes v cold oso.. haha.. first time i enjoyed econs lecture.. haha.. but still gt homework to do, of course.. hiaz.. tt's the bad part.. heex..

i'm still hving a headache nw.. quite painful.. but i tink is maybe bcoz i not enough sleep bah.. or maybe i cnt adjust to hving to wake up at 7am suddenly wen i've been waking up at 11am for the past month.. but i cnt replenish my sleep tonight.. coz i gt wushu cls ltr.. hiaz.. been feeling so different since coming to poly.. not feeling too gd.. no longer my energetic self.. no longer my responsible self.. now, i realise tt i only noe hw to gramble, gramble and more gramble.. and no action.. tt's so unlike me.. last time, its always actions b4 words.. now, its words and no actions.. hate myself for it.. i'm feeling empty, feeling wrong.. and i dread sch nowadays.. so unlike me rite..? the old me cnt wait to go sch.. nw, i cnt wait for sch to end.. hiaz.. i'm just so different nowadays.. no longer my old self.. how i wish tt i can get my old self back.. but it seems impossible.. a goal tt cnt be acomplished.. well.. i tink i might be alrite after a while.. i'm always like tt rite..? guess tt's the only ting tt i din change.. hiaz..

wonder what i will be like in the future.. really..

diamond mind.. haha..

first time typing a blog entry on my laptop.. coz finally gt it fixed ytd.. haha.. had written com tutorial earlier.. wasn't paying attention to the tutor at all.. was playing diamond mind.. haha.. and my results damn bad.. i tink highest score so far is 3645.. then shi shi play until the score 9420.. siao one.. dunno hw she play.. then playing during tutorial some more.. haha.. she baby lah.. tt's y.. baby play baby game.. i v mature.. so dunno hw to play.. haha.. i tink a lot of ppl going to faint wen they read tt i'm mature.. coz i'm nt.. haha.. nowadays tutorial i only play games if i hv my laptop with me.. nt paying attention at all.. heex.. v sian lah.. hv to wake up at 7am.. then cls only end at 3pm.. lyk working hours siaz.. haha.. but bo bian.. tt's life.. poly life.. haha..

nowadays been thinking quite a lot.. dunno thinking about wat.. juz thinking.. poly life.. life w/o ur gd friends by ur side.. life quite alone.. life practically w/o anyone.. alone.. hiaz.. dunno wat i tinking lah.. so many things hv happened recently.. i dunno wat has it done to me, but in one way or another, it has affected my thinking, my life.. coz.. i dunno.. i oso dunno wat i toking.. bcoz i dunno wat i'm feeling.. sometimes u hope tt tings will go back to normal, just as they used to be.. but tings aren't tt way.. it's juz nv smooth.. nw in poly, i feel rather alone.. aiya, all my friends in jjc mah.. then i'm the only one in poly.. so sian siaz.. then my cls.. dun feel lyk a cls.. everyone is so dispersed.. really feel quite alone.. then sometimes wen really need someone, those tt i call always nt at home.. dunno y..so heng arh.. everytime liddat one siaz.. haha.. then really feel quite.. empty bah.. coz i'm nw lyk a human with 'no soul'.. lyk i'm only left with the 'shell'.. feel changed.. i'm not the one whom i used to be.. i've becm v much an introvert.. and i'm nt interested in anything anymore.. but i guess i'll be alrite in a while bah.. provided if there are no 'relapse' of this kind of lonely feelings.. hopefully.. if nt,i'll nv live my poly life happily..

wonder what will i become in the future..

Tuesday, December 07, 2004

sch reopens..

yap, sch reopened ytd for many of the np students like me.. didn't really hv a great wk.. was sick since dunno last wed or thurs.. first, dwn with super high fever of 39.3 degrees. then, 3 days ltr, was dwn with a terrible sore throat. and the next day, i cough for almost the whole night.. so wasnt in a gd mood or watever ytd.. coz i din slp well.. and i'm still coughing.. couldn't tk the medicine in the morning coz its drowsy.. so bo bian can only tk in the night.. hiaz..

went out to hv kindda a sorting out meeting on sat.. i din really tok at all coz the medicine made me drowsy and i felt like slping.. hiaz.. but i'm glad tt tings are nw sorted out.. then ytd, went to get a hair cut after sch..was hoping for the lady who always help me cut my hair to cut for me again.. but then the malay hairdresser sittin right at the door.. so bo bian hv to let him cut.. er.. this tym was a little better than the last time when he cut for me.. tho i still prefer the lady cut.. this time, i like my fringe.. heex.. coz v short then gt some poke out so can play.. heex.. but i look like a guy with my hair so short.. haha..

today had macro lec.. omg, it was super sian lor.. the notes is lyk only 4 pgs long and look like it can be completed in 30mins.. but the lecturer tok and tok until it was 2 hrs long.. hiaz.. almoz died in the lt.. coz so boring.. ytd was no better.. ytd was written com.. abt business report writing.. and there were 48 slides.. oh manz.. lucky this sem is going to end on 2nd april nxt yr.. so i tink time will pass v quickly.. heng arh.. this is only the first lec and i'm like almoz dead after 2 days.. hope tt things will get better frm nxt wk onwards..

Wednesday, December 01, 2004

brotherho0d..

had carrot cake for breakfast again ytd.. been hving a craving for carrot cakes nowadays.. haha.. went down to beat's house in the afternoon.. coz my house dvd player like siao one.. sometimes can watch, sometimes will cork up.. so went to her house to watch instead.. end up we had to use the com and watch coz her player cannot play dvd.. then she had told me that it can play dvd.. dotz sia.. haha.. then had to adjust our sitting positions and the size of the screen dunno hw many times before settling down to watch.. heex.. the show was nice.. like the show.. it's setting was based during the korean war.. and it does depict some of the realities of war.. quite sad, some of the scenes.. and some were gross too.. i covered my eyes when they showed a scene where they cut open a soldier's stomach to get a bullet out.. oh man.. tt scene was bloody and gross.. but it was nice lah.. touching.. heex.. then watch liao tok to her for a while before going home.. then tt tzyy horng meet me to exchange textbooks.. wah.. he gt 5 while i only gt 3.. haha.. super heavy lor.. and he was late.. he told me tt he'll be a little late.. end up he was late for about 10-15 mins.. haha.. so tt was all for ytd.. din do anything special lah..

cant believe that time really flies.. school going to reopen next week liaoz.. back to sch again.. haha.. ok lah.. tho cannot play so much liao, but i still find it alright.. at least i'll have something to do instead of idling ard at home all day.. haha.. i tink i have to try jogging or something during these last few days of my break.. i'm losing my fitness.. haha.. have to change bedsheet for myself and my mum's later.. sian 1/2 siaz.. haha.. hmz.. feeling a bit better these few days.. coz things seem to have at least settled down a bit.. so feeling alright.. but i wouldn't know if things will still be alright after the meeting or whatever tt is.. i dunno.. just want this to be over as soon as possible.. i'm draining my own self out.. heex.. thx gl.. char.. maril.. yin mei.. tok a lot with u guys.. felt better every time after toking to u guys.. thx a lot.. really.. thx..