if only time can turn back...
hiaz.. this is the 2nd time i'm blogging in this less than one hour time frame.. hiaz.. i'm not feeling right all over.. i dunno why.. just feeling not right.. i oso dunno what's wrong with me.. the feeling's not right.. everything's not right.. school's not right as well.. hiaz.. i really dread school nowadays.. its like last time, i really love school.. and my main motivation was the friends i have.. not hao lian or what.. but last time, i'll have a lot of friends around me.. most of them are people whom i've met in CO with my 4 years there.. and the rest are friends from my class.. great people whom i can joke and play with.. who'll be with me whenever i need them (though not all the time..) but now, i feel weird.. like there's no one whom i can communicate with in class.. as though everyone's frequency is different from mine's.. hiaz.. i miss those days when the 4 of us will laugh during mr fong's class.. do homework secretly during ms ek's class.. during chem lab sessions, ms kho and that thing that she used to shake to get our attention.. and her 'shake it up' sayings.. hiaz.. there's just so many memories.. all kept and secureed in fuhua.. hopefully it will not be lost.. for it's just too great to lose.. the 4 years that i've spent there.. there's just too much.. too many.. things that i wouldn't want to lose.. not now.. not forever.. till the day i die, i want it to be part of me.. with me.. things which is mine.. my memories..
but now in poly, life isn't the same.. i'm no longer interacting as much.. i've become very much an introvert.. maybe its because of the environment.. like i said earlier, my frequency seems to be very much different from the rest of the class.. even in wushu class, i'm not talking much.. i don't know why.. i'm not doing what i,as my old self, will do.. i'm just so different now.. no longer myself.. hate my present self.. but now in poly, i guess the only bright spot among the friends that i have is shi shi.. frankly, she's the only one whom i can talk to in poly.. though she have her friends in TB12, sometimes, even seeing the 6 of them together makes me happy.. somehow, it's enough to brighten up my day a little.. maybe it's because they're those really happy people.. ok, they do have their tough times, i guess.. but i only get to see the good ones.. and they're smiling people in my memories.. and seeing them so happy is enough to make me happy, sometimes.. sadly, i can only say that i cannot play like them in poly.. my frequency's always different from others.. don't know why.. so everytime, i will have to find my good friends.. beat, gl, char, yin mei.. sometimes maril.. i'm glad that at least i have the few of them in my life.. and the 4B chalet actually gave me the chance to get to know the guys better.. coz i don't know them as well as the gals.. despite being in the same class for 2 years.. but it's a blessing to have them in my life.. it's really great..
i've really missed them ever since i came to poly.. because all of them are in JJC.. sometimes, i'll think 'if only i'm in JJC also.. then i wouldn't be having this problem'.. but this was the path that i've chosen.. and i cannot regret.. for this is the kind of road that i cannot regret.. i still remember, beat will tell me that this is my life and that i shouldn't be affected by my friends, where they are and stuff.. so i chose to go poly.. coz i'm more of a practical person.. give me theory and i'll die.. i've always look forward to poly life.. make new friends, get into a different environment and stuff.. but now, things don't seem the way it is.. and i'm not enjoying it at all.. i'm a person who's so dependent on my friends that can say that i cannot live without them.. so now, it's kind of a tough time for me.. i don't know if the situation will improve.. i mean, there's just too many kinds of personality in my class that i realise we cannot really get together and bond as a class.. hiaz.. this is my life.. what can i do about it..? the only thing that i can do about it seems to be to regret.. ok, it sounds stupid to regret when, for the first time, i got the chance to choose my path of study.. but well, what can i do..? there's really nothing i can do.. but i'm really glad that at least now, there's shi shi whom i can talk to in class.. and during lecture, sometimes i'll talk to fatin.. and we'll laugh and laugh.. haha.. but these are the only brighter spots bah.. there's nothing else le.. hiaz.. if only my life was like that in fuhua.. i really miss fuhua.. 4B.. and the 4 of us laughing real loudly in class.. if only time can turn back.. how i wish it can..
beat, char and gl will be going overseas soon.. and they will not really return until the last week.. at least gl's back by the end of next week.. luckily manz.. i don't know how am i going to live without them.. but there'll be a time when the 3 of them will not be around.. i'll miss them dearly.. i really will.. but i hope that they'll have a wonderful time with their trips respectively.. will miss them.. especially my rice mum.. heex.. may them have a good time.. while i try to live alone.. on my own..
but now in poly, life isn't the same.. i'm no longer interacting as much.. i've become very much an introvert.. maybe its because of the environment.. like i said earlier, my frequency seems to be very much different from the rest of the class.. even in wushu class, i'm not talking much.. i don't know why.. i'm not doing what i,as my old self, will do.. i'm just so different now.. no longer myself.. hate my present self.. but now in poly, i guess the only bright spot among the friends that i have is shi shi.. frankly, she's the only one whom i can talk to in poly.. though she have her friends in TB12, sometimes, even seeing the 6 of them together makes me happy.. somehow, it's enough to brighten up my day a little.. maybe it's because they're those really happy people.. ok, they do have their tough times, i guess.. but i only get to see the good ones.. and they're smiling people in my memories.. and seeing them so happy is enough to make me happy, sometimes.. sadly, i can only say that i cannot play like them in poly.. my frequency's always different from others.. don't know why.. so everytime, i will have to find my good friends.. beat, gl, char, yin mei.. sometimes maril.. i'm glad that at least i have the few of them in my life.. and the 4B chalet actually gave me the chance to get to know the guys better.. coz i don't know them as well as the gals.. despite being in the same class for 2 years.. but it's a blessing to have them in my life.. it's really great..
i've really missed them ever since i came to poly.. because all of them are in JJC.. sometimes, i'll think 'if only i'm in JJC also.. then i wouldn't be having this problem'.. but this was the path that i've chosen.. and i cannot regret.. for this is the kind of road that i cannot regret.. i still remember, beat will tell me that this is my life and that i shouldn't be affected by my friends, where they are and stuff.. so i chose to go poly.. coz i'm more of a practical person.. give me theory and i'll die.. i've always look forward to poly life.. make new friends, get into a different environment and stuff.. but now, things don't seem the way it is.. and i'm not enjoying it at all.. i'm a person who's so dependent on my friends that can say that i cannot live without them.. so now, it's kind of a tough time for me.. i don't know if the situation will improve.. i mean, there's just too many kinds of personality in my class that i realise we cannot really get together and bond as a class.. hiaz.. this is my life.. what can i do about it..? the only thing that i can do about it seems to be to regret.. ok, it sounds stupid to regret when, for the first time, i got the chance to choose my path of study.. but well, what can i do..? there's really nothing i can do.. but i'm really glad that at least now, there's shi shi whom i can talk to in class.. and during lecture, sometimes i'll talk to fatin.. and we'll laugh and laugh.. haha.. but these are the only brighter spots bah.. there's nothing else le.. hiaz.. if only my life was like that in fuhua.. i really miss fuhua.. 4B.. and the 4 of us laughing real loudly in class.. if only time can turn back.. how i wish it can..
beat, char and gl will be going overseas soon.. and they will not really return until the last week.. at least gl's back by the end of next week.. luckily manz.. i don't know how am i going to live without them.. but there'll be a time when the 3 of them will not be around.. i'll miss them dearly.. i really will.. but i hope that they'll have a wonderful time with their trips respectively.. will miss them.. especially my rice mum.. heex.. may them have a good time.. while i try to live alone.. on my own..
posted by kiwi at 7:52 pm
1 Comments:
First of all, I wanna thank you for what you wrote in the last paragraph. We both know what we're referring to. =) It's been quite a long time since I last read your blog. And just now, we were talking about the same thing. I didn't know you've been feeling this way for quite awhile. Sorry, kiwi baby. I believe I've smsed you this song lyrics before. But I'm going to do it again.
"Yeah I know it hurts
Yeah I know you're scared
Walking down the road that leads to who knows where
Don't you hang your head
Don't you give up yet
When courage starts to disappear
I will be right here
When your world breaks down
And the voices tell you turn around
When your dreams give out
I will carry you, carry you
When the stars go blind
And the darkness starts to flood your eyes
When you're falling behind
I will carry you
Everybody cries, everybody bleeds
No one ever said that life's an easy thing
That's the beauty of it
When you lose your way
Close your eyes and go to sleep
And wake up to another day..."
I'd be away as u know. But I'm leaving this song lyrics for you when I'm away to cheer you on when your days are grey. Kiwi baby, you can do it!! Mummy will root for you in Shanghai, ya? MuaCkies!
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